Dropping my daughter off at the airport, I was going up a staircase as a pleasant looking couple of ladies were coming down. They were chatting and as they passed me one said to the other “I didn’t know what to say, so in the end I said nothing at all…”
I thought what a good idea that was… she seemed from my quick glance at her to be a kindly person, and spoke in a gentle way, so I’m guessing she didn’t mean it in “I’m not speaking to you ever again!” sort of way. When people are pouring out their heart to you, sometimes it’s the telling that is important, not the other person saying anything… and it’s also so easy to say the wrong thing and make matters worse.
Sometimes when people tell you things and ask for advice, they actually don’t want it, or they want it to be what they think they want to hear. I once was in the middle of a most unfortunate relationship with an unsuitable bloke, and was telling a friend my woes, wanting him to say ‘I’ll have a word with him, and tell him you’re the only person for him’. Instead he said something along the lines of ‘well, the relationship is doomed, so maybe you’d be better to finish it now’. I was so upset… because although it was quite true, I didn’t want to hear it. If he’d said nothing except ‘mm’, ‘guess so’, ‘oh dear’, I wouldn’t have been so upset and would probably have come to the same conclusion anyway!
Last Tuesday we had to attend a funeral of a neighbour, and as we were leaving the service I noticed his widow was surrounded by people. In this case it would have been easy to say nothing at all, by-pass the crowd and go home, but I though that it was the right time to say something, that saying nothing would have been worse not better… so I waited until she was free and then went and spoke to her, just a few words to say how sorry I was that her husband had died; and I was pleased that I did speak to her. In this case, I didn’t know what to say but I found the right words, and gave her a hug as well.
Lois Elsden 