It’s been a frantic, hectic, busy couple of days

It’s been a frantic, hectic, busy couple of days which I will write about when I have time to breathe – nothing awful or unpleasant, just lots to do with an unaccustomed time limit. Thinking back to when I was at work – at one point head of faculty in a biggish comprehensive, at another point deputy head of a different kind of school, I’m honestly amazed I could do all I had to do, and apparently, kind people told me, did it quite well! These days of course, life is very much simpler with very few time constraints and those there are, seem quite elastic and flexible. So, having to get things done  and knowing there’s a deadline was strangely anxiety inducing – as if I’d somehow lost a little bit of confidence.

I’ve always been absent-minded, as I’ve mentioned before, sometimes spectacularly so, but fortunately I’ve managed to catch up with whatever it is, be wherever I was supposed to be, complete whatever had to be finished, and i guess sometimes just blag my way through. At the moment I’m doing all I’m supposed to be doing, completing and returning, answering and responding, being where I’m supposed to be at the right time and in the right place (yes sometimes in the past I’ve ended up at completely the wrong destination – I remember standing on the wrong platform of the station, watching a train on the opposite track tootle off without me – and me not realising it was my train and wondering why there wasn’t one drawing up in front of me.) My muddles weren’t through laziness or inability – it was just this absent-mindedness which sent me astray.

As usual I’ve turned to Wikipedia for an objective view on being absent-minded, and was quite startled by what I read:

Absent-mindedness can usually be a result of a variety of other conditions often diagnosed by clinicians such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and depression. In addition to absent-mindedness leading to an array of consequences affecting daily life, it can have more severe, long-term problems.

I’ve commented before that I think I may have some aspects of ADHD in my character, certainly other members of my family have, some professionally diagnosed, some a supposition on my part.

Absent-mindedness seemingly consists of lapses of concentration or “zoning out”. This can result in lapses of short or long-term memory, depending on when the person in question was in a state of absent-mindedness. Absent-mindedness also relates directly to lapses in attention. Schachter and Dodsen of the Harvard Psychology department say that in the context of memory, “absent-mindedness entails inattentive or shallow processing that contributes to weak memories of ongoing events or forgetting to do things in the future.”

I’m often so busy thinking about things – usually the story I’m writing, or thinking about a new one triggered by something I’ve seen, noticed, overheard, that I do “zone out” of what is happening around me. This is great if I’m sitting waiting for something to happen – an appointment, a train journey, but it’s not so great if someone’s telling me about something I need to know or need to do. It also “contributes to… forgetting to do things in the future“.

The article mentions three potential causes, but only two might apply to me – intense attention to a single object of focus (hyperfocus) that makes a person oblivious to events around them; or unwarranted distraction of attention from the object of focus by irrelevant thoughts or environmental events. I think on occasions i do have hyperfocus, and I certainly have irrelevant thoughts! I wonder if procrastination is also part of the conundrum? I certainly suffer from that – and it’s not that I’m lazy, I don’t put things off because there’s a real reason for not doing them – for example, I have two greetings cards for a special events which I have not sent – even though the events were a month ago, and the cards are right there, on the table beside where I sit.

“Sometimes, lapses of attention can lead to a significant impact on personal behaviour, which can influence an individual’s pursuit of goals.” Yes, indeed. I’ve achieved quite a lot in my life, but have also missed real opportunities which I could have taken. However, whatever I’ve potentially missed out on, if things hadn’t gone the way they have, I wouldn’t have my wonderful family and friends, and almost definitely wouldn’t be writing as I do now!! Which brings me back to my “frantic, hectic, busy couple of days” – I’ve had to be completely focused , not forget appointments and to make phone calls, not to lose track of time, double check I am in the right place on the right day… It’s exhausting!!