Masterchef… what would I cook?

I love the programme Masterchef! I like the amateur series, the celebrity series and the professional series which is on TV now. I could never really enter it, mush as I love cooking, I am really a home cook, I have no real skills and only theoretically know how to do a lot of things. I also think I would be crucified by nerves, and watching people who cook day in day out crumble and forget how to make a soufflé or how to fillet a fish because they are overwhelmed with nerves, I know I would just be a trembling wreck!

The premise of the programme, in case you don’t know is to find who is the best chef from a competition of about forty people; the contestants are whittled down by cooking a series of challenges, from the very first to make any dish they like from a box of given ingredients, to following a recipe for a classic dish, to doing a skills test. The challenges become more and more difficult, and a chef who seems on top of his/her game in one round, can crash out with a nasty combination of flavours, a ridiculous confusion of ingredients, and sheer rubbish cooking.

There are a team of judges from the chefs John Torrode, Michel Roux jr and Monica Galetti, and former greengrocer, food writer and TV presenter Gregg Wallace. There is a team of food critics who come in from time to time to be served meals from the competitors, and a variety of  famous chefs who open their kitchens and let the competition into their restaurants and hotels.

So if I was not in fear of nerves, and if I was better at presenting food for what Michel calls ‘fine dining’, how would I go about it all? First of all I would, set to with cookery books and properly learn or check I really did know the basics,  sauces, pastries, shellfish, game, vegetables, fruit etc. I know how to do lots of things, I can joint a bird, I can fillet and clean a fish… it amazed me the other day that professional chefs didn’t know how to prepare a lobster, or a kidney? Surely that’s just basic?

Then the tricky bit… to prepare a variety of different food and dishes to cook in the competition… so what would I do… well to start with maybe some pigeon breast, maybe in some nice rich sauce, but not too much of it, and maybe with some nice sharp pickles and a little ciabatta or something… is that too much for a starter? Then for a main meal… what would be nice after rich pigeon… maybe something fishy, maybe turbot with cockle sauce (I had that once in Ireland) with samphire all buttery and another vegetable… could I be daring and do a swede mash instead of a potato mash which would add a bit of colour, and some finely cut red cabbage cooked with appleand juniper berries… Hmm, not sure how this is going. The dessert… well, I’m not keen on desserts, but I guess I would have to do one, so maybe a mille feuille with confectioners custard and some nice berries… but really I would like to do a savoury – a traditional British dish served last the end of the meal, and I would do a cheesy something, maybe angels on horseback (oysters wrapped in bacon  or a refined Welsh rarebit!

I think I need to think about this a bit more… maybe do a Lebanese pigeon to start, and halibut for main, and… I think I’ll just go back to my cookery books!