Casting off (2)…

Yesterday was  the first day of getting rid of things, casting off possessions and habits I no longer need or want or have room for or that I’m hanging on for unnecessarily sentimental reasons. These needn’t be big things, and they needn’t be important things (and no doubt I’ll be throwing out/recycling/giving to friends or charity shops loads of other items as well) but belongings which need a decision to get rid of.

Yesterday I chose a much-loved blouse and dress which I no longer wear and will probably never wear again… today it is my cowboy hat. I’ve never been an actual cowboy, of course I haven’t! I was born and brought up in Cambridge, but when I was young cowboys and ‘Indians’ dominated films, comics, story-books, and TV… my heroes, Roy Rogers, the Lone Ranger and Tonto and later, Shane. My friend Richard and I galloped around on imaginary horses, righting wrongs, doing good and capturing our two younger sisters. It’s difficult to explain to my own children how cowboy culture (the fictional more than the real) dominated our World then… there is no real equivalent today; trends such as the Turtles or Star Wars/Trek, are not as all-pervasive or as dominant as the Wild West was when I was growing up.

I have a photo of myself, aged about eleven, a chubby, slightly embarrassed looking girl with a cowboy hat… and beach clothes. I know that in my mind I had the steely, stern, determined look of one of my heroes, brave and ready to take on anything and anybody… to everyone else I probably just looked a bit sulky and serious!

When I went to the USA for the first time, I saw people wearing real cowboy hats, and real cowboy boots, and I was still in awe! I didn’t buy either as a souvenir, but rather wished I had. Some years ago there was a craft market somewhere and someone was selling western gear, and there was a pair of second hand cowboy boots – they weren’t from America, and it was just their style; however I tried them on and they fitted perfectly, so for the first time ever, I bought second-hand footwear! They were so comfortable, and I loved them and wore them until they were beyond being repaired any more. I bought another pair which I still have, and when we went to the States last year I really hoped I might see some real boots and be able to afford them! … sadly I didn’t…

The year after I bought my second-hand boots, we went back to the craft market in search of the stall… it wasn’t there, but someone else was selling cowboy hats!! I tried on so many, looking at myself in the mirror hanging up… and eventually chose the one i liked best… which was just a tiny bit small… never mind! I thought, it will stretch as I wear it! it’s a soft dove grey, with a beaded band, and a little sculpted leather feature at the front… I loved it, but only wore it at home… I know, I looked very foolish in it, but at home I didn’t care… however, as I mentioned, it is actually too small, and was never really comfortable…

… So much as I love it, I’m sorry, cowboy hat, but I am putting you in the bag with the red dress, and I will send you to the charity shop… someone will love you, I know, and I may even see you round town some time!