I wrote about my dilemma of what to write for our writing group, the subject being monologues. I’d started and abandoned several and thought about and abandoned even more. I remembered Alan Bennett and his marvellous “Talking Heads” series which I’ve seen on TV several times, and read as well. I’d been thinking about this task which for some reason seemed more challenging than usual, and by last night time was really running out. I tried to think of some real situations where there might be a monologue, and suddenly it came to me – the stranger on the train!
So… here it is:
How long do you reckon we’re going to be stopped here? Impossible to tell, isn’t it – an incident on the line the driver said – well that could be anything, a cow escaped from its field, stupid kids messing about, could be anything, couldn’t it?
I hope you’re not going to be late for something – got a connection to make? No? That’s lucky. Same here, I have got an appointment but it’s at no fixed time, whenever I can make it.
Do I know you? I’m sure I’ve seen you before somewhere…
I’m from over in the northeast originally, up Whitby way… you haven’t got a connection over that side have you,you do look so familiar. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning, but you seem to have got a bit of a north-east twang. Yeah, I had a few years up there, fine in the sunshine, but those east winds, cut you like a knife.
So maybe Manchester? Maybe you’ve got a Manchester connection? Great city Manchester, I spent a lot of time up in Manc – are you from round there? Or maybe you went to college – a lot of us did you know, I was at the Poly, didn’t make it to the Uni, maybe you did though? Were you at Manc Uni? No… Hmmm…
I wonder what the incident on the line is – not a jumper, do you think? Not someone ending it all with a decapitation under the wheels of the 12:57 from –
Oh, sorry, yes sorry, that was a bit insensitive, sorry…
Mmm mmm mmm (hums)
So how long do you think we’re going to be stopped here? You’re not in a hurry are you, not got an urgent appointment somewhere? Lucky for me I’m not pressed for time… Oh hang on, what’s the announcement, what’s the driver saying? They’re never very clear are they, these train announcements..
What’s the driver saying? An incident on the line? Well we know that, he said that already.
Are you sure I don’t know you, you really do look familiar – mind you, I was once waiting in A & E, and guess what, sitting opposite me was a bloke I knew from school. He said he didn’t remember me, but not everyone has a good memory like I do, a good memory for faces. Anyway he got up and went to the WC, he was in there ever such a long time – I hope he wasn’t being poorly, I’ve no idea because I got called through before he came back. Jack his name was, Jack.
I’m sure I do know you from somewhere… you’re not off the telly are you? I once sat next to Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, he got off the train in Birmingham but he must have misheard the announcement because when I was getting off in Staley Bridge I saw him sitting in another carriage. He was wearing a purple velvet suit, no mistaking him.
Mmm mmm mm (hums)
Ever worked in Coventry? I was in Coventry for a while – sent to Coventry!! Haha, yes I actually got sent to Coventry, had an office near the statue of Lady Godiva. No Coventry connection? Didn’t work for Jaguar did you? You’ve never been to Coventry, oh you really should go – a great city, you should try the god cakes! God cakes? Yes – god cakes, they’re sort of a pastry with mincemeat filling, make a nice snack with a cup of tea.
Speaking of snacks, here comes the refreshments trolley – are you going to have anything? I don’t suppose they have god cakes, but maybe a cup of coffee? A cheeky glass of wine?
Oh you need to get up? Toilets are down that way, don’t worry I’ll save your seat – are you sure you don’t want anything from the refreshments trolley?
You don’t need to take your bag, I’ll keep an eye on it! Oh, ok, you’re taking it anyway,
Don’t worry, I’ll save your seat!
Lois Elsden 