Top Cop’s Broken Biscuit Boost

What a great headline this is! It was on the BBC news page and I had to go and investigate… why broken biscuits? What could broken biscuits do that unbroken ones couldn’t? Was it a crime, or a health initiative? Was there a problem in the police station canteen kitchen and the biscuits kept breaking as they came out of the oven? Were the numbers of broken biscuits in each packet a crime? Good heavens! My mind reeled with possibilities!

I inked to the page… and my goodness! The thick plottens! here is the story with a new headline:

Alf Hitchcock gives Bedfordshire Police biscuit boost

Alfred Hitchcock? A previously unknown Hitchcock movie has come to light set in the rural county of Bedfordshire (shades of Midsummer Murders?)and involving biscuits? This surely is a made-for-TV drama, combining all that’s popular, suspense dramas/police procedurals/baking programmes. It would have to star Paul Hollywood, the strikingly good-looking and charismatic baker and TV judge on The Great British Bake-Off… hey, wait a minute, he makes a great double act with Mary Berry! She could play some sort of consultant as Sue Johnston did in ‘Waking the Dead’ and to have some light relief and tick some equal-ops boxes, Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc could be the women on the ground who rush round for all the action!

Wait a minute, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here… what does the article actually say:

A top policeman has revealed he has a special tactic to prevent staff morale from crumbling – free biscuits. Bedfordshire Chief Constable Alf Hitchcock digs into his own pockets to bring in the sweet treats each week, and the canny policeman revealed he buys broken biscuits, which go further among his sweet-toothed colleagues. The local branch of the Police Federation said it welcomed Mr Hitchcock’s gesture at a time when police morale was suffering.

Mr Hitchcock has been in the top job at Bedfordshire Police since 2010, serving a population of about 600,000. In an interview with BBC News, the police chief said he brought in the biscuits “to keep the morale up”. He said he bought broken biscuits because they go further among staff.

“It means I can bring (them) in for the whole office,” said Mr Hitchcock. “I can bring in loads.”

But big-hearted Mr Hitchcock, who has been a policeman since 1977, admitted that on occasion he will spare no expense to lay on the best the biscuit world has to offer.

“I still do occasionally deviate on to the Hobnobs and the more upmarket ones.”

However, Jim Mallen, chairman of the Bedfordshire branch of the Police Federation, said he did not believe the broken biscuits were making it all the way to front-line staff.

“But I am sure they would be delighted to receive anything from the chief constable,” added Det Sgt Mallen, whose favourite dunker is the humble digestive. He said police morale had been suffering. “But I am heartened… that our chief constable eats broken biscuits. But where is he getting his broken biscuits from?”

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