Charlock, Groundsel and the Weed twins

Am I becoming fanciful in personifying all sorts of things? I was looking again through my old gardening book – maybe at some point I will do more than jut look at it and actually get out into the garden and do something! For some reason the book fell open at common  weeds, some of which I know – dandelion, daisy and clover of course, but others I’m not so sure of.

Yarrow sounds like a seedy character waiting in the shadows… I think Yarrow would be the muscle behind whatever the crime being committed, not the brains. The criminal mastermind would be Charlock with his oppo, the mysterious Groundsel. There would be the twins, not that bright but quick and willing, Chick and Bind Weed, and their mate, young Speed Well and there would be the granddad of the operation, Ground Elder. Another set of twins in the gang, so alike that even their family can’t tell them apart, one is Couch and the other is Twitch; they are almost telepathic, so great eyes for a stake-out. Don’t think it’s an all male gang, gangsta gals include Daisy, Bracken, Pimpernel and Potentilla. No-one is quite sure about ‘creeping’ Buttercup, about whose side is she on – as long as it’s ours all is well!

The way of dealing with common lawn weeds sounds brutal, either piercing the crown, grubbing out… or using the deadly ‘special lawn sand…’ Annual weeds can be decapitated –‘hoed off‘ as the gang describes it – unless the police get there first in which case they will be grubbed up and pulled. Deep digging gets rid of deep-rooted perennial and creeping  weeds – this sounds like a terminal solution for the – to their gang they go down in a blaze of glory, burnt on a bonfire!

Sometimes I think too much…


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